Snark and Sarcasm: The Twila Project
by AwesomesauceandNinjas
Summary: They're the stories everyone loves to hate. However, Nakki and Ginga are adding their comments in the mix! A "Twila, Da Girl Who Was In Luv W/ A Vampir" commentary. Done by two of the most sarcastic and snarky people on the planet. Warning: F-bomb dropping and very non-descriptive "sex" scenes. Repost of the last one, which was deleted


**A/N From Nakki- Hello, peoples of Fanfiction! Welcome to another "Snark and Sarcasm" Project! Our first is My Immortal (which still isnt complete. And has only 2 reviews, yet TONS of views. What. The. Firetruck.). Were planning a lot of them, so if you think of another and don't think we have it, but want us to commentate, let us know! Anyway, we don't own Twilight, or "Twila, Da Girl Who Was In Luv W/ A Vampir". And I quoted a couple other commentaries somewhere in here, too. **

**WARNING: In this fic, I'm positive I will drop the F-Bomb, so be warned, and there's a few sex scenes, but don't worry about 'em, they're less descriptive than Tara's. **

**(I don't know the original author's name/penname, So I personally refer to her as "Stupid Girl".)**

**COMMENTARY KEY: Nakki **_**Ginga **_**Us In Unison**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx **So many Xs...XXXXXXX **_**You can't even spell vampire! You ludacris fool! **_**Oh god, see what My Immortal has done to us?**

CHAPTER 1

Hi my name is Twila Beatiful _**Spelled wrong... **_**I already hate this story.** Psyco _**Spelled wrong. But I agree with this. I can already tell she's psycho**_ Topaz _**What is with Mary Sues having long names?**_ (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) _**A bit sure of yourself, aren't you? **_n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. _**All Mary Sues in crapfics are vampires too. I see some patterns, don't you?**_ **I bet they're all the same person. And why do they live like the Cullens? **we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS. _**SO HARDCORE! **_**If you have a roommate, you aren't a loner, stupid girl.**

i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott, **Of course they do. Fricking Sue. (Woah, that rhymed!) **i hav strait blak hair _**Every Sue has black hair! What the firetruck!**_ nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. **It is not possible to have magenta eyes!** i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, **Pointless.** _**Get more sleep! Oh wait, you can't, because you're a vampire! Lord, crapfics are ruining me.**_ (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword **Ed to the WORD! **has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok. _**Of course she said that! **_**He's also a ginger in the book, too. Who cares though? ~No ginger disrespect there. Ginga is a ginger=P~**) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop **Do you mean misanthrope? (**a/n loook it up _**I will not because it is not a real thing.**_) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite. **So that's the official definition of your made-up word? "I hate everyone but Midnite?" What if you hate Midnite, too? **_**Ugh.**_

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS **RAnDoM caPSLOCk! **he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet _**Okay then... **_**Oh, god, please don't be a satanist too, please, please, pleeeease...** (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. **DAMN IT! THEY ALWAYS ARE! **i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart. _**You make it sound like he's a close friend. And you said, "God bless you" which means you are hoping that the God you don't believe in will bless him. **_**Stupid girl, you just screwed up so many things in that sentence... Besides, I'm usually really accepting of people's opinions about how the world came about, but that is the most ridiculous idea...**) so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. **At least it wasn't Bella Swan. **she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. **Is that even possible? **edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous **This is like Tara's descriptions of actions: 'I smiled gothicly'; and 'I smiled depressingly'; **n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, **I'd imagine he would just read your mind. **i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine. _**God, I don't know how long I can deal with this.**_

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl **Ghetto people? Seriously? **in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce **I can't do the dance, but the song's okay. **n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. **I'm actually nearly positive that if they were "Ghetto people", they wouldn't have run away. **_**Seriously? What is wrong with you?**_ i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite **Uh, no, not right...nothing about this story is right...** _**Another similarity to My Immortal. My Immortal seems like a dream vacation compared to this, though. **_

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser _**Poser? Oh god. More My Immortal similarity**_ jakob. **At least it wasn't Jacob.** ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose **Carlose! It's the Mexican Carlisle! *Runs to get maracas* **wnated 2 meet me. **How? He's only talked to you for five minutes!** n his sisters alice, rosmarie, ***Rosalie** jasper n emet ***Emmet **all luved me rite away n his mom esmi ***Esmie **wnted 2 meet me 2. _**You've known each other for less than two minutes!**_

so we kut skewl early **You rebels! **n went to his realli big house in da woods **Haha, That made me think of "A Little House in The Big, Big, Woods" **n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way. _**Not like that'll draw any attention or anything. **_**I didn't think Edward would've let him, after all, he's eco friendly, isn't he? I mean, he drives a VOLVO for Christ's sake!**

when we got there carlose **(La cucaracha! Na, nananananana!) **came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. **If a 30-year-old man said that to me, I'd kick him in the nuts.**ed, jasp, emet, alison **At least it wasn't Alice **n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me **I'd have growled at him because he was being remotely nice to you. In a really creepy way, granted...but still. **2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married. _**I seriously don't know if I can take this. It just gets worse and worse. This is what I get for not reading it before commentating on it. I can't handle it in its raw form without relating it to something funny. I am going to read every commentary on this I can get my hands on before I do the next chapter. **_**You know, I warned yoooouuuuu...**

"Yea thats me lol" **Did you just use text-talk in your dialogue? **i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite **Because the Cullens are even the SLIGHTEST Japanese. **_**Japanese? WHEN DO THE SIMILARITIES END?**_) "nice to met you i said.

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it." **Time to get the Creeper face out... **_**That's so smart, know each other for a day then go into their house. Didn't they teach you any thing like NOT doing this in elementary?**_

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends. _**Yay! Everything's all perfect!**_

XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1 **Thank GOD!**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD _**No, it's not. **_**Not even in an ironic way.**

_**THE AMOUNT OF RED ON THIS PAGE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SOMEONE COUGHED UP BLOOD ON THE SCREEN! I SWEAR, NOT ONE SENTENCE IN THIS CHAPTER IS SPELLED RIGHT! [Yes, caps lock WAS necessary.] **_**I puked up blood while reading this. I'm sure this person tried to type this with their pinkie toes. While doing the worm.**


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